Older…

I went and had a mammogram this last week. It made me feel older.

My work place is very interesting. A variety of very distinct and separate personalities. Jeremy, in his ceramics classes, learned that glazes won’t combine with out one specific ingredient. (I think it was carbon). This office seems to be that way… there isn’t a cohesion because there isn’t the one agent which can bind them together.

Humor seems to be that binder. I have been funnier in the last 2 weeks then ever. My Co-worker and I work well off each other. It makes me think faster… which is never a bad thing. I seem to be finding the right words more often which is nice. I don’t seem to get tongue tied as often.

I wonder why I am there… It’s odd that I take making people’s world better for granted… Of course I do… I wonder about my ego sometimes… But every thing is a Lesson and this has all the hallmarks of one of those Big Lessons… I can let go and be Led through the hard stuff or I can fight it and have my life fall into the dumpster in a Mother-fucking-New-York-Second. Older is often wiser. So I have my Baselines.

I will live my life happy.

I chose my attitude toward what comes at me. The best adventures are simply a crisis that makes a good story in the end. I can choose to laugh or to cry and I am done crying. There are very few things that are important enough to cry over anyway.

I will keep my life in perspective.

Things are good right now. Jeremy and I love and care for each other. I have a genuinely happy home. I have money in the bank and vet care for my animals. None of my bills are back due and we have yummy food in the house. And I have the best Husband in the world.

It will all be Fine.

Humanity can not destroy the Universe. All this is for the Greater Good – somehow. And I have to say that I am looking forward to getting some answers when I cross over. But I cling to the theory that Humanity is just a tiny Backwater of the Entirety of the Universe. We are Important in the Universe, just as every small spore of mold or blade of grass is important here in our reality. But how many of us know how many blades of grass there are in our respective lawns? And I know I have killed off more than my share of mold and mildew in my bathroom. So… I mourn for the pain and aggravation that is to ensue. I know that me and my kind are going to be the poor that get poorer and we will bare the brunt of the climate chaos that has begun to truly destroy our pretty little world. But I also hold to the theory that Momma Nature isn’t any more vindictive than the Universe is (being part and parcel) and that She is just going to work for a Balance. But we are so far out of Balance that we (as a species and a society) can’t survive like this if the World is Balanced. So we try to ignore it. It’s just that she will always have the Last Laugh. Washington may be fill of hot air but they can’t control Momma Nature yet. They can just piss Her off more.

wasn’t this about being older? Oh… I guess it was after all…